You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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