I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My liver just had a heart attack.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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