guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
