Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She's just so happy...and so naked.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
