I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
