Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
