So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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