he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
