My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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