I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
