you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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