My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
