Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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