I need help removing her.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
