I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
