I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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