and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
