I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
