I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
