I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
