No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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