i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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