forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
