I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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