My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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