He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
