I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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