she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
