If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
