Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
