Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Someone signed my nipple.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
