How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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