I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
