i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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