I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
