i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
