I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
