i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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