He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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