My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
