He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
