Michael Bay diarrhea
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The struggles of a small town man whore
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
