She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You know, be my cock's hype man.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
