we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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