Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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