She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
