I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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