so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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