A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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