I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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