K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
